Anyway, I was just randoming reading through August's entries and I was like,
"Oh Jeremy jeremy jeremy... Oh jeremy..."
And then I proceeded to drool at his picture for about 2 hours before Cloudy (my maltese) hiccupped in his sleep and woke me up.
Help! I'm still in a daze of infatuation....
Oh, jeremy jeremy jeremy....
Fuck it, I will never get over that guy. I can imagine myself sobbing and sobbing non-stop at his wedding, together with a few other girls, one of which has a pimple on her nose which has never left her nose for the past 2 years. My sharks' fin will overflow with mucus and tears. My suckling pig will drown. I will flood the banquet room and the flowers will all wither and die.
Jeremy will be very angry with me for acting like his wedding is a funeral. He will never speak to me again. I will realise that I can never have sex with him as he is becoming a married man and I will slit my wrist and smear the blood over the bride's face and she will be so horrified and hate Jeremy for spoiling the most important day in her life, thus she pours the Moet and Chandon over Jeremy's cute hair and leaves in a huff to marry a fat dying old man who can give her more money.
Jeremy will slit his wrist too coz I kicked his shin as well and broke his kneecap and he can never play soccer again. Jeremy's blood will spurt across the room in all directions, staining the beautiful white decorations and making the guests all very unhappy that their clothes are ruined. Jeremy's blood mixes with my river of tears and some little kids who cannot swim drown. Men everywhere suddenly understand how it is like to have menses.
Meanwhile Jeremy's sister prances around showing everyone the latest beauty contest trophy she won (the 2,383th), but nobody cares coz everybody is busy looking at me coz I am taking a banquet knife now to cut out my heart, which (not-surprisingly) has broken into a million pieces. My placenta falls out as well. The sister is very angry and kicks Jeremy's other shin, so now he cannot even play one-leg soccer. Jeremy howls in horror and accidentally falls face down into the hot shark fin's soup. He is traumatized coz his hair is now messy. However, he takes out a box of Listerine PocketPak and asks everyone if they want any, anyway. I continue to sob, finally drowning everyone, and floating amongst the corpses is a few pieces KitKat White, which is Jeremy's favourtie chocolate and my supposed wedding gift for him.
Oh, the sorrow... Oh, jeremy, jeremy, jeremy....
Why thou art runneth thy deny love by and sworn by thee art thou Romeo? (By the way, that has no meaning whatsoever except to sound Shakespeare-ish.)
Oh, I am talking nonsense again. Someone slap me.
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