Its a very important day today!!! Now do the bated breath thing. It is...............
SADDAM HUSSIEN'S BIRTHDAY!!
And mine as well. Can't believe I share the same birthday as that man.
Last year, I remember our class rep Chiat min very enthusiatically blabbered to me, "Yan yan, do you know that Saddam Hussien has the same birthday as you? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" and proceeded to laugh his head off.
Actually its quite funny ha ha ha ha.
*zip*
Birthdays aside, I would like some presents, please email me with your offers. (A job, cash, or a gigolo who looks like Bloom would suit me fine).
OK seriously, birthdays aside.
WTF is this called??!
If you happen to be in Singapore, the extremely clean sunny island with a lack of dustbins, you would possibly have eaten this before:
Now the question is, does anyone have any idea what is it called??!!!
I was talking to Eileen the other day about this picture in a coffee shop:
***
Me: I don't see the spaceship thing in my noodle, the advertisement bluff one.
Eileen: What did you call it??!
Me: Spaceship.
Eileen: What!! Its called a spaceship ah?
Me: I think so, everyone I know calls it that.
Eileen: Is it!! My friend calls it the "er duo" (=ear)!!
Me: *laughs hysterically*
Eileen: Really leh! She (friend) said that she asked alot of people what its called and no one knows, so she just call it the er duo herself.
Me: Its called spaceship la.
Eileen: Sure not, I'm sure there's a name for it.
***
Later on, we asked the coffeeshop guy what its called, and he gave me a name, but... ahem.. I er, can't remember. Ha ha ha...
Have you any idea?
*****
Penises
Now I've got your attention.
Warning: Entry is meant for female blogders strictly and male blogders reading it might be offended if they have a small genitals.
Very often, at least among my female friends, we compare penis sizes. NO, not that we have penises la of course (Frankly speaking if I do I would very much like to try a blowjob and see whats the big deal about it). But rather, our boyfriends'/partners'.
A very common problem would be this:
***
Me: Wah, with Adrian quite long liao ah... Happy not!
Girl A: Yeah. Yesterday we had sex.
Me: WAH SIAO BO!!! Good or not.
Girl A: Not bad lor *giggle*
Me: Wah... How does he measure up?
Girl A: Er... I think around *opens thumb perpendicular to index* this length lor.
Me: Huh... so long/short meh, you sure not...
Girl A: Actually, I don't know leh.. How to gauge lidat. Unless I see it la.. I also never use ruler measure. But he's quite average.
Shuyin: Well my boyfriend's one is fucking long. *kidding*
Idris: Yes its fucking long, 19cm. *not kidding*
Girl A: =(
Me: =(
***
Alright. The problem is not Idris' very elongated member, but this:
Most normal girls DO NOT take a ruler with them everywhere they go, so when they do wanna know/show how well-endowed their boyfriends are, they can only use their eyes to have a mental gauge.
Now, I've found the perfect solution to the problem. If only every women reads my blog, there will be no trouble telling people what size your boyfriend is anymore.
Courtesy of a friend who refused to be named, I call it the....
POWER FINGERS METHOD.
Now, me and this friend was having the exact same conversation as the one I fabricated.
***
Me: How long is Kelvin (name has been changed to protect his penis from being harmed)?
Friend, aka Lucky Bitch: Oh.
Swiftly, LB put out four fingers, and started to do this:
***
Thus solving the problem of her having to remember how long he is.
Now, this method is BRILLIANT. You might not have a ruler with you, but you most certainly have your fingers right?
LB's Kelvin measures a 3 plus 2, short form for 3 hands and 2 fingers, which is super impressive.
BTW, Kelvin is only 1.70m, thus proving my theory that short men are less fortunate wrong. Apparently my theory is still correct, except that I forgot to mention it does not apply to horses.
So anyway, back to the POWER FINGER METHOD.
In casual conversation one can say this: "My hubby is a miserable 2 plus 1."
In essence, I don't really think a 2 plus 1 is very miserable if you have giant knuckles.
Isn't this great, girls?
*To the men who are feeling very upset about this gauging penis thing and are possibly thinking of emailing me saying, "would you like men to judge women by their boobs" etc, well, screw you.
Good sex is possible without big boobs but good sex (I say sex) is impossible without a at-least-decent dick. So its ok if we mind small dicks.
Plus, if you are a 3 plus 2, you are not anywhere near complaining, are you?
Anyway, don't be upset la. This entry is just a joke ok? Penis size is not important to women, compassion/love/kindness is. (Yeah right).*
*****
Clothes
I bought super cheap clothes!!! Wah lau I cannot stand it!! So fucking cheap la!!!!
The following includes... 3 blouses at 3 for $5, courtesy of yen, and a This Fashion skirt @ $14.40.
I was digging thru the bins and found these super buys, not without much effort I would say.
I like this top!! I'm gonna wear this exact combination tomorrow man!
It's not very nice but it's wearable.
Ditto.
Wah so cheap!!! (Btw the yen shop is the one at PS)
*****
My first Bdae present
Cute ah!!! A nice mousepad from Happy House, City Link!!
Thanks, Hui fen!!!!
*****
How did you guys get into my site?
Let me die, just let me die.
Someone with black menstrual blood actually came into my site. MY Goodness.
Let's not go into how stupid people actually type questions into search engines and expect an answer.
And whats with all the porn man!! I'm changing the site name to something else, soon.
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